What an evening.  I was driving home remembering some dear friends of mine.  Lifelong friends.  I haven't stopped by in quite some time so right at the four way stop that leads to their house I just strongly felt that I should turn left and go see them.  Yes, it meant dinner would be later.  Yes, it meant I wouldn't get to the yard work I wanted to do.  Yes, yes...but I turned left.  As soon as my friend let me in the door, I could see she was not alright.  This woman is literally like a mother to me, and her eyes were red, she was downcast.  "Are you alright?" I asked,"Yeah, well..no, _____ has breast cancer."  Sinking feeling.  _____ is 6 months younger than me with 3 small children.  I have known her since I was 18 months old.  They are doing lumpectomies and giving her the choice of taking one breast or two and when, yada yada, chemo, radiation....  Ugh.  I couldn't cry.  Her mother was weeping and explaining everything and I was just shocked. I just sat there.  I felt guilty for not joining in her tears, but I just sat there... _____.  _____.
I know well enough that when you are truly in a pit all of the "God doesn't give us more than we can handle" and the "all of this will work together for her good" schpeal is just ridiculous to bring up.  Pain is pain and we are all allowed to feel it.
I got home and my 'replacement phone' had arrived because the phone I have had for 8 months  has these glitches that they can't seem to fix by wiping my phone clean.  Grrr.  So now I have 7 days to switch everything over and see if this 'new' phone works any better.  Great.  My ringer, that I have NO idea how my ex husband got to work... is as good as gone.  I hate choosing a blasted ringer.
I also came home to an envelope from the IRS.  Not the one I THOUGHT I would be getting, so I praise God...this battle is still in progress and lets face it, timing is everything.  But I am tired of this battle.  I feel weary.  Sad.
My brother and I live together.  I love him and he is a great brother.  He has his quirks, as do I, and for the most part we try to just live around them.  His love language is gifts and he is ever bringing home junk food and dancing around in front of me with it like, "lookie, what I brought  you!"  Right now, I am fasting sweets and desserts as a sacrifice and reminder to pray for a major event my church is having next month.  He doesn't fast and hasn't come to a place where he understands it yet.  He rolls his eyes and says, "Jesus said to eat what you want."  and I said,"Jesus himself fasted, and He is my example."  Hellooooo.  Well, that's fine we can agree to disagree and I am fine when he eats sweets, actually totally fine.  But he keeps saying things to me like, "mmmmm. brownies."  or,"hey, should I make these sugar cookies?"  I am like, "yeah, go ahead."  to which he answers, "you suck."  because he wants to share them with me.  Sorry... not.  So this evening, after my girlfriends news, etc, I come home and no joke...there is a pizza sized danish with crumbles and apple filling sitting on the stove.  A pizza size.  Now, it's just the two of us that live here, and he knows that this is my favorite kind of danish.  The crumbles get me.  So I seriously feel like he is blatantly trying to tempt me and go off of my fast.  It's so disrespectful and I cannot believe it is coming from him, actually.  He is a believer, I can't believe he is intentionally disrespecting something spiritual that I am trying to accomplish.  Don't get me wrong, it doesn't make me want the danish.  He can shove that danish straight up his ass.  It just upsets me that he is blatantly disrespecting my belief.  I don't even have the energy to confront him about it, which I know would be the healthy thing to do.
I know that I know that I know that God is for me.  He is for my girlfriend w/ breast cancer.  He is for us and absolutely in control.  I trust Him, I really do.  I believe, even when life sucks.  He is the answer.  But...man, do I get tired sometimes.  I just get tired.  Weary.
Isaiah 40:31  'but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.' 

So I come against faintness in the name of Jesus Christ.

I come against weariness and fatigue. 

I come against discouragement and all of the tools of the enemy.

In the authority of Jesus Christ I come against Satan and the sugary danish he is using to tempt me and say NO MORE.  You have no place here, be gone.  

I come against cancer in my sister's body and I pray healing according to His riches in heaven.

Healing for her in Jesus Name. 

Jesus.  Jesus.  *sigh*  Jesus.