So it's been four weeks since I placed Sumo in his new home.  Oh, the pain!  I was hurting from the grief of missing him, and had texted his new mommy a couple times asking how he was and then when I might see him.  She never responded.  I found myself getting angry and not wanting to see her at my book group the next Monday, but I knew if I didn't address it resentment would build and it would not be good- for her, me, or my relationship w/ Sumo!!  So I was honest and expressed my frustration.  She had agreed to an 'open adoption' with updates and pics and nothing has come.  So she received it well and sent me two pictures two days later.  I gasped at seeing my 58 pound dog  had dropped enough weight that his ribs and back bone show!  I worried until I got to pick him up for a visit on Saturday.  His new owner got sick and had to go to the hospital so I got to keep him overnight.  I was awesome because I was dreading taking him home, but also because my ex could come visit him that evening and I got to sleep w/ my precious boy.
He was a bit lethargic and I was concerned about his sleeping so long- not normal behavior.
I took him Sunday morning- ugh, the agony...and Monday night at my book group his new owner told me that when I brought him home he got sick.  Vomiting in the back yard and then laid by the door for 5 hours waiting for me to come back.  5 hours my boy laid waiting for me at the last spot he had seen and felt me- only for me to never return.  I know what abandonment feels like.  The thought of him waiting for me, kills me.  So, his stool is soft and yellow, he is skinny, and vomiting.  I cannot go to him, I cannot be the one to fix it or comfort  him while he aches.  This is the hardest thing I have ever done.  Harder than any divorce I will tell you now.  He didn't ask for this, he didn't behave poorly and deserves his world to be upside down.
I want him back.  But then what?  In 10 months when I hope to leave for school...what then? I have to pray this illness is nothing that antibiotics can't fix.  I have to pray that he eventually will adjust.  I have to trust that he will be okay.  He will be okay.
If he is not okay- if it is serious- I do want him back.  If he is going to go down, I want to be there in the end.  I want to be the one.  I saved him as a baby, and I will see him out.
Please, Lord.  Let me be the one to see him out.  I ask it, ICJN....

Sumo and the Almond Blossoms

Saturday I had about 3 hours left w/ Sumo (my big dog).  All I wanted to do was hold him.  But I decided, very much for his sake, to take him for a walk.  We went to a special place and for the first time, I just let him off his leash to roam ahead of me in these fields and orchards.  He did so great.  What a good dog.  He never got too far ahead of me and when he did one word would stop him he'd turn, look at me, and go forward a bit slower.  A couple of times to test him I just turned around and started to walk the opposite way.  Without a word he would turn and I would hear the gallop of him coming up behind me, pass me, and turn to look at me as if to say...I'm here now!  So precious.  

I am not a flower girl.  I have never been really into flowers or any of that.  I like them, but, whatever.  I could not get past the almond blossoms that day.  They were gorgeous and I was so drawn to them.  My spirit was roused and I just could not get past them.  I even asked, "Lord, why am I so taken by these blossoms?"  

The next day I googled "almond blossoms symbolism" and the first thing to pop up was that "Almond blossoms are the eternal symbol of Hope."  

Thank you, Lord for your faithfulness to me.  For your love and intimate concern.  Thank you for placing my babies and having each and everyone of them in your hand.  I pray the fullness of Your will for me to come into full bloom.  

I'm thinking, my next tattoo may have to be an almond blossom.  ;)