So with once again white walls, and all my animals gone...I move forward.
My last few nights in this house I called home. God is so faithful.
Walking and crying on a break this last week, God told me how, the first time (I went to YWAM and was drastically changing my life) He made the way easy for me. (My dog had died the year before, I didn't have to make any choices there- everything fell into place) This time, I am older, and I have to make choices that are intentional in pursuit of Him. I am more mature, things are not handed to us, as they are when we are children. They are worked for. Fought for. Intentionally pursued with radical choices for radical changes.
My children are all placed, save one 14 year old declawed cat. Just me and the mo mo buster.
God has told me twice before, that "everything that has been stolen/broken will be replaced/restored to me." These promises have come over the last 10 years...and with so much death, the human tendency is to say, "really...when? how?" But just this morning, a pastor spoke to me again...saying how during worship as she looked out God spoke to her about me. He said, "Tell her to get ready. I am going to restore everything the locus' have taken. All of it. But she has to get ready."
My church is hard core. Fire baptized believers who flow in all the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I was not raised this way, but God has over the last 10 years of my life opened up doors and dimensions to me. The spiritual realm is no joke. I have learned much...but I am absolutely positive that the surface of all I will learn has yet to be scratched. I am a warrior preparing for my lifes call to war. Healings, deliverance's, breaking free and bringing others with me. Coming against the bullshit of this world and all that the enemy throws at us to hold us down. I look forward. I have a "deliverance anointing." That is what was spoken to me. God Himself, while we were worshiping, spoke to me and said, "When I unleash these things on you, it's on..." I have been allowing childish struggles and fleshly thoughts to have too much time in my head. I have always been referred to as a 'little dynamite' or 'spunky' thing. But that initial spark is going to turn into an all consuming fire that burns so hot and brightly that even my enemies will know I am blessed.
I'm so tired of struggle and playing around. I am so tired of allowing things to sideswipe me. I declare that I will become the equipt warrior I was created to be. I cast off the generational curses that my parents have passed down to me in the name of Jesus Christ. I will not walk under their yokes.
I am human. But I am also chosen. Enough is enough. I am going into this 3rd chapter of my life walking upright.
I have wept, not cried, every single day for the last however many days. I have been dealing with death and loss so completely that I have been a little crazy! No...really... coo coo. But I am truly grateful...that in spite of myself...God orders my steps. That even when I step outside and blatantly try to walk in my own way...He protects me. He sustains me in my insanity and will NOT ALLOW me to ruin myself. I am pregnant with promise. With destiny. I understand fully, what it means to be a slave. To my flesh, to addictions, to chaos and disorder. But I am grateful, and confident, that God is ultimately the One in control. I am my beloveds, and He is so totally Mine.
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